Today's jokes [10.27.12]
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An English professor wrote the words, "woman without her man is a savage"
on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly.
The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is a savage."
The women wrote: "Woman: Without her, man is a savage."
A father asked his 10 year old son if he knew about the birds
and the bees. "I don't want to know!" the child said, bursting
into tears. "Promise me you won't tell me."
Confused, the father asked what was wrong.
"Oh dad," the boy sobbed, "when I was 6 I got the there's no Santa speech.
At 7, I got the there's no Easter Bunny speech. When I was 8, you hit me
with the there's no Tooth Fairy' speech. If you tell me that grown-ups
don't really fuck, I'll have nothing left to live for."
What is the difference between a English actuary and a Sicilian actuary?
An English actuary can tell you how many people are going to die next
year. A Sicilian actuary can give you their names...
The teacher says, "Children, today I will ask each of you to come to the
front of the class and use a word in a sentence. Today's word is
"beautiful". Little Sally, would you please come up here and use
"beautiful" in a sentence?" Little Sally walked to the front of the room,
thought for a moment and said, "Teacher, my mom is the most beautiful
woman in the world." Teacher says, "Very good, Little Sally, you may sit.
Little Frankie, your turn." Little Frankie walked to the front of the
room, thought for a moment and said, "Teacher, the sunrise this morning
was the most beautiful sunrise I have ever seen." Teacher says, "Very
good, Little Frankie, you may sit. Little Johnny, it's your turn." Little
Johnnie walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said,
"Teacher, last night my big sister told my dad that she was pregnant and
he said, "Beautiful, just fucking beautiful."
In light of the latest allegations against President Clinton, Woodward
and Bernstein of Watergate fame are in negotiations with publishers to
write a new book about the scandal. Working title: "All the
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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