Today's jokes [12.6.10]
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A man feeling very depressed walked into a bar and ordered a triple
scotch whiskey. As the bartender poured him the drink he remarked,
"That's quite a heavy drink. Is something wrong?"
After quickly downing his drink the man replied, "I got home and found
my wife in bed with my best friend.
"Wow", exclaimed the bartender as he poured the man a second triple
scotch, "No wonder you needed a stiff drink. This one's on the house."
As the man finished the second scotch, the bartender asked him, "So
what did you do?"
"I walked over to my wife", the man replied, "looked her straight in
the eye and told her that we were through. I told her to pack her
stuff and to get the hell out."
"That makes sense," said the bartender, "but what about your best
"I walked over to him, looked him right in the eye and said 'Bad
The doctor looked benignly at the woman who had come to him for an
"Mrs. Brown," he said, "I have some good news for you."
The woman said, "I'm glad of that doctor, but I'm Miss Brown,"
"Miss Brown," said the doctor without changing expression, "I have bad
news for you."
Osama Cave Memo
Hi guys. We've all been putting in long hours, but we've really come
together as a group, and I love that. Big thanks to Omar for putting
up the poster that says "There is no I in team," as well as the one that
says "Hang In There, Baby." That cat is hilarious.
However, while we are fighting a jihad, we can't forget to take care of
the cave. And frankly, I have a few concerns.
First of all, while it's good to be concerned about cruise missiles, we
should be even more concerned about the scorpions in our cave. Hey, you
don't want to be stung and neither do I, so we need to sweep the cave
daily. I've posted a sign-up sheet near the main cave opening.
Second, it's not often I make a video address, but when I do, I'm trying
to scare the most powerful country on earth, okay? That means that while
we're taping, please do not ride your razor scooter in the background.
Just while we're taping. Thanks.
Third point, and this is a touchy one. As you know, by edict, we're not
supposed to shave our beards. But I need everyone to just think hygiene,
especially after mealtime. We're all in this together.
Fourth: food. I bought a box of Cheez-Its recently, clearly wrote "Osama"
on the front, and put it on the top shelf. Today, my Cheez-Its were gone.
Consideration. That's all I'm saying.
Finally, we've heard that there may be American soldiers in disguise
trying to infiltrate our ranks. I want to set up patrols to look for
First patrol will be Omar, Muhammed, Abdul, Akbar, and Richard.
Love you lots.
A certain young lady named Rowell
Had a musical bent to her bowel.
With a good plate of beans
Tucked under her jeans
She could play To a Wild Rose by MacDowell.
Question: What is every Amish
woman's private fantasy?
Answer: Two Mennonite!
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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