Today's jokes [12.31.10]
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Staring down from the bench to announce the terms of the
divorce decree, the judge turned to the husband and said:
"I'm going to award her alimony in the amount of $250 a month."
To which the woman's about-to-be ex replied: "That's mighty
kind of you, judge. I'll try to help her all I can, too."
The bank manager was in the final stages of hiring a cashierand
was down to two final applicants -- one of which would get the job.
The first one interviewed was from a small college in upstate
New York. A nice young man, but a bit timid.
Then he called for the second man, "Jim Johnson!" Up stepped a
burley young man who seemed quite sure of himself.
"He looks like he cantake care of any situation," thought the manager,
and decided, there and then,to hire him. He turned to the first
applicant and told him he could go and they would let him know.
Turning to Johnson, he said, "Now Jim, I like the way you carry
yourself -- that's an important asset for the job as cashier.
However,you must be precise. I noticed you did not fill out the
place on the application where we asked your formal education."
Jim looked a little confused so the manager said,
"Where did you get your financial education?"
"Oh," replied Jim -- "Yale."
"That's very good ... excellent. You're hired!"
"Now that you're working for us, what do you prefer to be called?"
Jim answered "I don't care... Yim... or Mr. Yonson."
One Sunday, the pope REALLY wanted to play golf.
But he couldn't, since it was Sunday. But he
figured, well, it's ok if i just play a little bit.
So he changed clothes and went out into the green.
Up in heaven an angel saw him and reported it to
Jesus. However, Jesus didn't do anything when he
"Aren't you going to punish him?" he asked Jesus.
"Yes, just wait." he replied.
Just then the pope hit a beautiful hole in one.
"Well, that's not a punishment!" the angel said in disgust.
"Who is he going to tell?"
Q: What happened to the cheerleader when she did the splits?
A: 20 class rings fell out.
A young lady had just visited her doctor and he informed her
that she was pregnant. The young lady had been married for
ten years and had wanted a baby very badly. As she sat on
the bus, on her way home, she felt that she had to share the
good news with someone. The gentleman sitting next to her
seemed as good as anyone to share the good news with.
Sir, she said, I just received the best news you could ever
imagine. I have to share it with someone or I'll bust. She told
him the news that the doctor had told her about being pregnant.
The man shared her enthusiam as he shared his expierence.
He said he was a farmer and he had trouble with his hens
laying eggs. He stated that he went out to the hen house one
morning and all of his hens had layed eggs. He was so happy.
he added, "but confidentially, I changed cocks."
The newly pregnant woman responded, "Confidentially, me
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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