I had gathered my first-grade class around me to teach them to tell time
using a conventional-style analog clock. We'll be learning about the
hour hand and the minute hand, I explained. One of my students
interrupted and said, "I don't need to learn on that kind of clock. My
dad bought me this digital watch, and right now it's 10 minutes to 38."
Susan K. Toth in Reader's Digest
This is a true story from the WordPerfect help line.
Needless to say the help desk employee was fired; however, he/she is
currently suing the WordPerfect organization for "Termination without
Cause". Actual dialogue of a former Word perfect Customer Support
"Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went
"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
"How do I tell?"
"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
"What's a sea-prompt?"
"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
"What's a monitor?"
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it
have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
"I don't know."
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power
cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
"Yes, I think so."
"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into
".......Yes, it is."
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two
cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the
".......Okay, here it is."
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back
of your computer."
"I can't reach."
"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's
"Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in
from the window."
"Well, turn on the office light then."
"No? Why not?"
"Because there's a power outage."
"A power... A power outage? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you
still have the boxes and manuals and packing suff your computer came
"Well, yes, I kee them in the closet."
"Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it
was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it
"Really? Is it that bad?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."
Then there was the psychology professor, a Yankee's Yankee
and a feminist's feminist, who tells the following story
about herself to illustrate that doctorates don't necessarily
make you smart.
She was driving to a workshop in Atlanta from her home in Ohio.
It was about 10 am, and she'd been driving the entire preceding
day and night herself, and she was consequently not in the best
of tempers as she searched for a motel in which to crash.
A Georgia state policeman pulled her over, got out of his cruiser,
swaggered up to her driver's window, bent down, and drawled,
"Lookie here, darlin',"--uh oh, everybody duck--"Lookie here, darlin',
nobody blows through Georgia that fast."
Said the feminist Yankee overtired psychology professor: "Sherman did."
She says he was not satisfied merely to give her a speeding ticket;
he made her follow him fifty miles out of her way to Nowheresburg, GA,
and wait at the police station until three in the afternoon for a
circuit judge to arrive so that he could explain to her why it wasn't
the best idea in the world to be impolite to policemen, who were after
all interested only in creating the safest possible environment for
everybody including her, etc. etc. The lecture went on for about two
hours, she says, after which she was released to drive the fifty miles
back to her route and resume her search for someplace to crash.
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