Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by
   running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck.
   Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they
   pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and
   drove home. With the chain still attached to the machine. With their
   bumper still attached to the chain. With their vehicle's license plate
   still attached to the bumper. A woman was reporting her car as stolen,
   and mentioned that there was a car phone in it. The policeman taking
   the report called the phone, and told the guy that answered that he
   had read the ad in the newspaper and wanted to buy the car. They
   arranged to meet, and the thief was arrested.


  

Super Granny - Defender Of Justice

An elderly lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car,
she found four males in the act of leaving with her car! She
dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun,preceded to scream
at them at the top of her voice, "I have a gun and I know how to
use it! Get out of the car, you scumbags!"
The four men didn't wait for a second invitation but got out and
ran like mad, where upon the lady, somewhat shaken, proceeded to
load her shopping bags in the back of the car and went back and
got into the driver's seat.
She was so shaken up that she couldn't get her key into the
ignition. She tried and tried and then it dawned on her why!
A few minutes later she found her own car parked four or five
spaces further down. She loaded her bags into her car and drove
to the police station.
The sergeant to whom she told the story nearly tore himself in
two with laughter and pointed to the other end of the counter,
where four pale white males were reporting a car jacking by a mad
elderly woman described as white, less than 5 feet tall, glasses,
and curly white hair carrying a large handgun.
No charges were filed.

A 20 year old man came to casualty with a stony mass in his rectum. 
He said that he and his boyfriend were fooling around with concrete 
mix, when his boyfriend had the idea of pouring the mix into his 
anus using a funnel. The concrete then hardened, causing constipation and 
pain. Under general anaesthesia, a perfect concrete cast of the man's 
rectum was removed, along with a stray ping-pong ball!