"Damn T.V.... Ruined my imagination and my ability to... ummm... ya... you know..." -Bart Simpson
Some congressmen are so upset about how much the government pays farmers not to grow wheat, that they want more money not to accept bribes.
Nurturing: The biggest problem in the world could have been solved when it was small.
"There was an advert in the local paper last week placed by a local software firm. They were looking for a sysadmin. Requirements included "3 years experience" with windows '95." -- Peter deFriesse, alt.sysadmin.recovery, 16 January, 1997
I have a map of the United States... Actual size. It says, "Scale: 1 mile = 1 mile." I spent last summer folding it. I also have a full-size map of the world. I hardly ever unroll it. People ask me where I live, and I say, "E6".
By voting you are helping select today's best quote. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best quotes to send in our daily best humor mailing.
Today's JokesToday's StoriesToday's PoemsToday's Funny Pic
S M T W Th F St 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31