There once was a lady from Pinner
Whose boyfriend wanked on her dinner
She said if you please
I don't mind some cream teas
But I like my white sauce a bit thinner 

There was a young peasant named Gorse 
               Who fell madly in love with his horse. 
                    Said his wife, "You rapscallion, 
                    That horse is a stallion--- 
               This constitutes grounds for divorce." 

               There was a young Scot in Madrid 
               Who got fifty-five fucks for a quid. 
                    When they said, "Are you faint?" 
                    He replied, "No, I ain't, 
               But I don't feel as good as I did." 

Said a lovely young lady named Lake, 
               Pervertedly fond of a snake, 
                    "If my good friend, the boa, 
                    Shoots spermatozoa, 
               What offspring we'll leave in our wake!" 

There once was a man named Sweenie,
 who spilled some gin on his weenie.
 So just to be couth,
 he spilled some vermouth.
 And then slipped his girl a Martini.