A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter.
Mother: "What does the cow say?"
Child: "Moooo!"
Mother: "Great! What does the cat say?"
Child: "Meow."
Mother: "Oh, you're so smart! What does the frog say?" And this wide-eyed 
little three-year-old looked up at her mother and replied, "Bud."

What was the first thing Adam said to Eve ?

"Stand back .... I don't know how big this thing is going to grow !"

This girl walks in to a doctors office and she asks "Whats a failic symbol?
Doctor says "you're kidding.."
Girl says "no! I don't know! Whats a failic symbol???"
Doctor pulls his pants and underwear down and says "You see? This is a
failic symbol!"
Girl says "Oh! Its just like a penis, only smaller"

Tombstone Epitaph 
Someone determined to be anonymous in Stowe, Vermont:
I was somebody.
Who, is no business of yours.

A New York boy was being led through the swamps of
Louisiana by his cousin. "Is it true that an alligator won't
attack you if you carry a flashlight?"
The cousin smirked and replied, "Depends on how fast ya
carry the flashlight."