Why is a bride always smiling as she walks down the aisle at her wedding? 

     No more blowjobs. 

How do you change a blonde's mind?

     Blow in her ear. 

A man goes to visit his 85-year-old grandpa in the hospital. 
"How are you grandpa?"  he asks.
"Feeling fine," says the old man.
"What's the food like?"
"Terrific, wonderful menus."
"And the nursing?"
"Just couldn't be better. These young nurses really take care 
of you."
"What about sleeping?  Do you sleep okay?"
"No problem at all --- nine hours solid every night.  At 10 
o'clock they bring me a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra 
tablet, and that's it.  I go out like a light."
The grandson is puzzled and a little alarmed by this, so he 
rushes off to question the Nurse in charge. "What are you 
people doing?" he asks.  "I'm told you're giving an 85-year-old 
Viagra on a daily basis.  Surely that can't be true?"
"Oh, yes," replies the nurse. "Every night at 10 o'clock we give 
him a cup of chocolate and a Viagra tablet.  It works 
wonderfully well.  The chocolate makes him sleep, and the 
Viagra stops him rolling out of bed."

The blind daters had really hit it off and, at the end of the evening
as they were beginning to undress each other in his apartment, the
fellow said, "Before we go any further, Charlene, tell me - do you
have any special fetishes that I should take into account in bed?"
"As a matter of fact," smiled the girl, "I do happen to have a foot
fetish - but I suppose I'd settle for maybe seven or eight inches."

Q: What's the smartest thing that ever came out of a woman's mouth?
A: Einstein's dick.