Q: Have you heard about Michael Jackson's New Book? 

A: It's called, "The In's and Out's of Child Rearing

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class.
She called on him and said, "Johnny! what are 4, 2, 28 and 44?"

Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!"

The new nun goes to her first confession. She tells the priest that she 
has a terrible secret and he tells her that her secret is safe in the 
sanctity of the confessional.
She says, "Father, I never wears panties under my habit."
The priest chuckles and says, "That's not so serious. Say five Hail Marys, 
five Our Fathers and do five cartwheels on your way to the altar.

Two drunks sitting at the rural area bar, lamenting their lack of a sex 
life. One looks out the window, and across the road is a sheep stuck half 
way thru a fence, with its butt facing the tavern. One drunk says he sure 
wishes that sheep were Marilyn Monroe. The other says, "I just wish it 
were dark."

The Pope took a philosophy professor (an atheist at that) out fishing on
  a large lake. As they drifted on the still lake, the philosopher
  accidentally dropped an oar and watched it float away. The pontiff
  stepped out of the boat, walked across the water to the oar, grabbed it
  and walked back to the boat. The next day at the university, a colleague
  asked the philosopher if he had enjoyed fishing with the Pope. "It was
  okay, but would you believe that guy can't swim?"