Q: Have you heard about Michael Jackson's New Book?
A: It's called, "The In's and Out's of Child Rearing
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class.
She called on him and said, "Johnny! what are 4, 2, 28 and 44?"
Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!"
The new nun goes to her first confession. She tells the priest that she
has a terrible secret and he tells her that her secret is safe in the
sanctity of the confessional.
She says, "Father, I never wears panties under my habit."
The priest chuckles and says, "That's not so serious. Say five Hail Marys,
five Our Fathers and do five cartwheels on your way to the altar.
Two drunks sitting at the rural area bar, lamenting their lack of a sex
life. One looks out the window, and across the road is a sheep stuck half
way thru a fence, with its butt facing the tavern. One drunk says he sure
wishes that sheep were Marilyn Monroe. The other says, "I just wish it
The Pope took a philosophy professor (an atheist at that) out fishing on
a large lake. As they drifted on the still lake, the philosopher
accidentally dropped an oar and watched it float away. The pontiff
stepped out of the boat, walked across the water to the oar, grabbed it
and walked back to the boat. The next day at the university, a colleague
asked the philosopher if he had enjoyed fishing with the Pope. "It was
okay, but would you believe that guy can't swim?"
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