When a man takes off his pants in a hotel room,
what's the first thing to hang out?
The DO NOT DISTURB sign!
One day a blonde went into Wal-Mart and saw something she liked.
The Blonde asked the clerk what it was. The Clerk said it was a
thermous. What does the thermous do? It keeps hot things hot
and cold things cold. So she bought one. The blonde brought it to
work one day and the blondes boss who also is a blonde said what
is that thing? It is a thermous the first blonde said. What does
it do? Keeps hot things hot and cold things cold. What do you have
in it? I have coffee and a popcycle in it.
Sent by Tom
Understanding Your Paycheck
GROSS PAY: $1222.02
INCOME TAX OUTGO TAX STATE TAX INTERSTATE TAX COUNTY TAX
244.40 45.21 61.10 5.89 6.11
CITY TAX RURAL TAX BACK TAX FRONT TAX SIDE TAX
12.22 4.44 1.11 1.16 1.61
UP TAX DOWN TAX KNICKNACK TAX HACKENSAC TAX THUMBTAX
2.22 1.11 1.98 3.93 0.98
CARPET TAX SNACK TAX SURTAX MA'AM TAX PARKING FEE
0.69 8.32 3.46 3.46 5.00
NO PARKING FEE F.I.C.A. T.G.I.F. LIFE INS. HEALTH INS.
10.00 81.88 9.95 5.85 16.23
DISABILITY INS. ABILITY INS. LIABILITY INS. DENTAL INS. MENTAL INS.
2.50 0.25 3.41 4.50 4.33
FUNDAMENTAL INS COFFEE COFEE CUPS CALENDAR RENTAL FLOOR RENTAL
0.11 6.85 66.51 3.06 16.85
CHAIR RENTAL DESK RENTAL UNION DUES UNION DON'TS CASH ADVANCES
4.32 4.32 5.85 3.77 0.69
CASH RETREATS OVERTIME UNDERTIME EASTERN TIME CENTRAL TIME
121.35 1.26 54.83 9.00 8.00
MOUNTAIN TIME PACIFIC TIME DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME TIME OUT
7.00 6.00 4.44 12.21
OXYGEN WATER ELECTRICITY HEAT AIR CONDITIONING
10.02 16.54 38.23 51.42 46.83
TAKE HOME PAY: $0000.02
A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck drove into a
lumberyard. One of the blonde men walked in the office and
said, "We need some four-by-twos."
The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"
The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck.
He returned a minute later and said, "Yeah, I meant
"All right. How long do you need them?"
The customer paused for a minute and said, "I'd better go
After a while, the customer returned to the office and said,
"A long time. We're gonna build a house."
One night when you have a few friends around, take turns calling the
same phone number, a really obnoxious acquaintance that won't
recognize your voices is always a good choice. When the person
answers, try to leave a message for John Smith (or any name that
sounds real). Insist that you have the right number and even read
their number to them. Have a bit of fun here, and stretch this on as
long as possible. Repeat several times, once or twice an hour. Let
everybody have a turn at calling. Just as the party is breaking up,
call one last time. Tell the poor soul answering the phone that you
are John Smith, and ask "Are there any messages for me?" This is sure
to get a groan.
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