An English professor wrote the words, "woman without her man is a savage"
on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly.
The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is a savage."
The women wrote: "Woman: Without her, man is a savage."
Question: What is every Amish
woman's private fantasy?
Answer: Two Mennonite!
There is a man who has three girlfriends, but he does not know which
one to marry. So he decides to give each one $5000 and see how each of
them spends it.
The first one goes out and gets a total makeover with the money. She
gets new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and
tells the man, "I spent the money so I could look pretty for you
because I love you so much."
The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player, a
television, and a stereo and gives them to the man. She says, "I
bought these gifts for you with the money because I love you so much."
The third one takes the $5000 and invests it in the stock market,
doubles her investment, returns the $5000 to the man and reinvests the
rest. She says, "I am investing the rest of the money for our future
because I love you so much."
The man thought long and hard about how each of the women spent the
money, and decided to marry the one with the biggest breasts.
Did you hear the one about the guy who had five penises ?
He had a pair of underpants that fitted him like a glove.....
As you may know, the Albuquerque housing market is becoming
as tight as the one in Denver. My friend Chuck, after searching for
months, found the perfect place. Family neighborhood, garden/lawn,
etc. The problem was, he has a dog, and the landlord specified "No
dogs." Rather than go on searching, he decided to go stealth, and not
tell the landlord about his dog (a golden retriever).All went well for
months. Except for one thing: the family that lived downstairs had a
rabbit that they kept in a cage in the garden area. One day, the
father of the family walked into the garden to find the dog scratching
at the cage, trying to get at the rabbit.
He immediately went to the landlord and complained. The landlord
threatened to kick Chuck out. But Chuck, being quite persuasive- and
punctual with rent checks- convinced the landlord to keep him and his
dog. On the condition that that Chuck keep his dog out of the garden
area. Months went by with no incidence. However, his girlfriend stayed
home sick at his place one day. She, not knowing the garden rule, let
the dog out.
Chuck came home and, to his dismay, found that the dog wasn't in the
house. He opened the back door, and there at the steps was his dog.
Dead rabbit in mouth. Needless to say, Chuck panicked. Not wanting to
face certain eviction(and possible jail time), he took matters into
his own hands. He bathed the dead rabbit, blow-dried its hair (OK he
was desperate) and carefully placed the rabbit back in the cage.
Natural causes, right? Nothing happened.
After an excruciating week, he finally approached his neighbor one
morning on the way to work. "How is everything?" asked Chuck. "We're
moving" replied the man. "This is a sick neighborhood." "Why? What
happened?" replied Chuck. The neighbor replied: "Some sick bastard dug
up our recently deceased rabbit, washed it, combed its hair, and put
it back in its cage."
By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.
Today's StoriesToday's PoemsToday's QuotesToday's Funny Pic
S M T W Th F St
1 2 3 4 5 6 7
8 9 10 11 12 13 14
15 16 17 18 19 20 21
22 23 24 25 26 27 28
29 30 31