An eight year old boy is walking down the road one day when a 
car pulls over next to him. 

"If you get in the car," the driver says, "I'll give you $10 and a 
piece of candy." 

The boy refuses and keeps on walking. 

A few moments later, not to take no for an answer, the man 
driving the car pulls over again. "How about $20 and two pieces 
of candy?"

The boy tells the man to leave him alone and keeps on walking. 

Still further down the road the man pulls over to the side road. 
"OK," he says, "this is my final offer. I'll give you $50 and all 
the candy you can eat." 

The little boy stops, goes to the car and leans in. "Look," he 
says to the driver. "You bought the Chevrolet, Dad. You'll have 
to live with it!"

            The Missionary and the Chief

            A missionary who had spent years showing a tribe of natives how
            to farm and build things to be self-sufficient gets word that he
            is to return home.

            He realizes that the one thing he never taught the natives was
            how to speak English, so he takes the chief and starts walking in
            the forest. He points to a tree and says to the chief, "This is
            a tree."

            The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree." The missionary
            is pleased with the response.

            They walk a little farther and the padre points to a rock and
            says, "This is a rock."

            Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, "Rock."

            The padre is really getting enthusiastic about the results when
            he hears a rustling in the bushes. As he peeks over the top, he
            sees a couple in the midst of heavy romantic activity. The padre
            is really flustered and quickly responds, "Riding a bike."

            The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blow gun and
            kills them. The padre goes ballistic and yells at the chief that
            he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and
            kind to each other, so how could he just kill these people in
            cold blood that way?

            The chief replied, "My bike."

THIS IS SCARY BUT IT REALLY WORKS.
   DON'T CHEAT BY SCROLLING DOWN FIRST!!!
   It only takes 30 seconds. Work this out as you read. Don't read the
   bottom until you have worked it out.!!!
   1. First of all, pick the number of days a week that you would like to
   go out to dinner.
   2. Multiply this number by 2.
   3. Add 5.
   4. Multiply it by 50.
   5. If you have already had your birthday this year, add 1748. If you
   haven't, add 1747.
   6. Last step: Subtract the four digit year that you were born.
   see below:
   RESULTS:
   You should now have a three digit number:
   The first digit of this was your original number (i.e. how many times
   you want to go out each week).
   The second two digits are your age!!!
   It really works. This is the only year it will ever work, so spread
   the
   joy around by mailing this to anyone you think might enjoy it.

What is the difference between a Slut and a Bitch?

A Slut sleeps with everyone, a bitch sleeps with everyone but you!

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest 
in his paintings on display at that time. 

"I have good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good 
news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and 
wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When 
I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."

"That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad 
news?"

"The guy was your doctor."