Like, A Totally California State Residency Application...
(Feel free to use popular nicknames, such as "Moon Beam", "Dweezil",
"Moon Unit" "Capt. Trips", etc.)
Inner Child's Age: _______
Age in Dog Years: _______
Age as told to you in a vision by ancient Mayan calendar: ________
_____ M _____ F
_____ Still working it out in therapy
Footwear: ____ Birkenstocks ____ Barefoot
Condition of Feet:
____ Wash Daily ____ Wash Weekly
____ Like, whenever I get to
the beach, man...
___ Massage Therapist
___ Astral Counsel
___ Pet Psychologist
___ Channeler of the Dead (real dead, not
___ Follower of the Dead, (Grateful)
___ Tie-dye vendor at Dead Shows
___ Vendor of "nice hot, fresh veggie
burritos" at concerts
___ Cooking up a scheme to channel Jerry
___ Assistant to Shirley MacLaine
___ Rent-A-Mob protester
___ Purveyor of Fine Herbal Remedies
___ Panhandler claiming to be a veteran
___ Professional Guest on Ricki Lake
___ LA rock star groupie
___ Bottom-feeding LA lawyer
___ Professional Emotional Victim
Name(s) of Significant Other(s): ________________________________
Relationship(s) of Significant Other(s):
____ Astral Soulmate
____ One-night stand from the protest rally who stayed because the
____ My dog's massage therapist
____ "Just Friends"
____ They're really not that significant, but I'll try to claim them
Number of Children in Commune: _____
Number of Inner Children In Commune: _____
Number of your Inner Children which have been molested by one of
Roseanne's multiple personalities: ____
Mother's Name: ____________________ Father's Name: ____________________
Where were you were conceived:
____ Under the stars on in the commune's
____ In the back of a VW micro-bus on the
way to a Dead show
Name of book exposing your parents as inner-child abusers:
Number of copies sold: ____
Number of Wind Chimes Owned: ____
Number of times you've given yourself a concussion by hitting head on
wind chimes: ___
Number of time you've channeled dead space aliens: ____
Number of times a space alien has copped a feel off you: ____
Talk Shows on Which You Make a Regular Appearance:
____ Donahue ____ Ricki Lake ____ Geraldo ____ Sally Jesse
____ The morning news' surf report
Number of times you've eaten your surfboard: ____
Above, while still in parking lot after tripping on your sandals: ____
Number of Grateful Dead concerts attended: ____ (if all, enter "on
Number of bongs you own: ____
Number of times you've drunk your bong water because the weed ran out:
Political Party Affiliation: (Choose as many as you have
____ Green Party
____ American Communist
____ Socialist Party
____ New Age Astral Party (channeling the spirits of dead Romans)
____ Hemp Party
____ The Party-Hearty Party ____ Inner Child Abuse
____ New Age Goddess Party
How far is your home from the waterline:
___ I like to wake up with sand in my nose and seaweed in my teeth, in
true harmony with nature as it washes up my nose
Number of surfboards owned: ____
Number of seconds you can talk without using the words "totally",
"like", "man" and "fer shure": ____ (enter, like 0, if you, like,
totally don't know)
It's a sunny morning in the Big Forest and the Bear family are just
waking up. Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at
the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty!
"Who's been eating my porridge?!" he squeaks.
Daddy Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair. He looks
into his big bowl. It is also empty!
"Who's been eating my porridge?!" he roars.
Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen
and screams, "For God's sake, how many times do we have to go through
this? I haven't made the fucking porridge yet!!"
Q: What does a man and a floor have in common?
A: You lay them right the first time you can walk all over them
What's the definition of bravery?
A man with diarrhea chancing a fart!
These two guys had just gotten divorces and they swore they
would never have anything to do with women again. They
were best friends and they decided to move up to Alaska as
far north as they could go and never look at a woman
They got up there and went into a trader's store and told
him, "Give us enough supplies to last two men for one
year." The trader got the gear together and on top of each
one's supplies he laid a board with a hole in it with fur
around the hole. The guyssaid "What's that board for?"
The trader said, "Well, where you're going there are no
women and you might need this."
They said "No way! We've sworn off women for life!" The
trader said," Well. take the boards with you, and if you
don't use themI'll refund your money next year. "Okay,"
they said and left.
Next year this guy came into the trader's store and said
"Give me enough supplies to last one man for one year."
The trader said, "Weren't you in here last year with a
"Yeah" said the guy.
"Where is he?" asked the trader.
"I shot him" said the guy.
"I caught him in bed with my board."
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