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Today's jokes [5.16.05]

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During her annual checkup, the well-constructed miss was 
asked to disrobe and climb onto the examining table.

"Doctor," she replied shyly, "I just can't undress in front of 
you."

"All right," said the physician, "I'll flick off the lights. You 
undress and tell me when you're through."

In a few moments, her voice rang out in the darkness: "Doctor, 
I've undressed. What shall I do with my clothes?"

"Put them on the chair, on top of mine."

1.   Vote:    Categories: Medicine, Sex Send this joke to a friend




Which 3rd grader has the best body, the blonde, brunette or redhead?
The blonde - she is eighteen.



2.   Vote:    Category: Blondes Send this joke to a friend




    A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet
   rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over
   immediately.
   When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face
   close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard
   which is full and bushy.
   Are you the landlord?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both
   hands.
   "Actually, no" he replies. "Can you get him for me - I need to speak
   to him?" she asks, running her hands up beyond his beard and into his
   hair.
   "I'm afraid I can't" breathes the barman - clearly aroused. "Is there
   anything I can do?"
   "Yes there is. I need you to give him a message" she continues
   huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him
   to suck them gently.
   "Tell him that there is no toilet paper in the ladies room."


3.   Vote:    Category: Ouch! Send this joke to a friend




What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to Pee Wee Herman in their holding cell at
the jail?

"Stop playing with my lunch."

4.   Vote:    Category: Criminals Send this joke to a friend




A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office.
After the check-up, the doctor took the wife aside and
said, "If you don't do the following, your husband will
surely die". 

  1.Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast and send
    him off to work in a good mood.

  2.At lunch time, make him a warm, nutritious meal and
    put him in a good frame of mind before he goes back
    to work.

  3.For dinner, fix an especially nice meal, and don't
    burden him with household chores.

  4.Have sex with him several times a week and satisfy
    his every whim. 

On the way home, the husband asked his wife what the doctor
had told her.

"You're going to die," she replied. 

5.   Vote:    Category: Marriage and Relationships Send this joke to a friend



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