A Texan bought a round of drinks for all in the bar and
announced that his wife had just produced a typical Texas
baby, weighing a whopping twenty pounds.
"WOW!" was the response from everyone at the bar.
Two weeks later the Texan returned to the bar. The bartender
recognized him and asked, "Aren't you the father of the baby
that weighed twenty pounds at birth? How much does he weigh
The proud father answered, "10 pounds."
The bartender said, "Why? I know that babies lose some
weight after birth, but ten pounds? He did weigh twenty
pounds, didn't he? What happened?
The proud Texas father said, "Just had him circumcised!"
On visting a seriously ill lawyer in the hospital, his friend found him
sitting up in the bed, frantically leafing through the bible "What are
you doing?" asked the friend. "Looking for loopholes," repied the lawyer.
A mother was teaching her three year old daughter The Lord's
Prayer. For several evenings at bedtime, she repeated it after
her mother. One night she said she was ready to solo. The
mother listened with pride, as she carefully enunciated each
word right up to the end..."And lead us not into temptation",
she prayed, "but deliver us some e-mail, Amen."
This is a telephonic exchange between a hotel guest and
roomservice at a hotel in Asia. It was recorded and
published in the Far East Economic Review:
Room Service: "Morny. Ruin sorbees."
Guest : "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."
RS : "Rye. Ruin sorbees..morny! Djewish to odor sunteen??"
Guest: "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs."
RS: "Ow July den?"
RS: "Ow July den - fry, boy, pooch?"
G: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled, please."
RS: "Ow July dee bayhcem - crease?"
G: "Crisp will be fine"
RS: "Hokay. An San tos?"
RS: "San tos. July San tos?"
G: "I don't think so"
RS: "No? Judo one toes??"
G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what
'judo one toes' means."
RS: "Toes! toes!..Why djew Don Juan toes? Ow bow singlish
mopping we bother?"
G: "English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.'
Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine."
RS: "We bother?"
G: "No..just put the bother on the side."
G: "I mean butter - just put it on the side."
G: "Yes. Coffee please, and that's all."
RS: "One Minnie. Ass ruin torino fee, strangle ache,
crease baychem, tossy singlish mopping we bother honey
sigh, and copy....rye??"
G: "Whatever you say."
G : "You're welcome"
Have a good day
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