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Pokern
 
 
Today's poems [6.1.04]

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Said a girl from Staraya Russa,
Whom the war had made looser and looser,
"Yes, I'm wormin' a German,
A vermin named Hermann,
But his dink is a lollapalooza!"


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A sultan named Abou ben Adhem
Thus cautioned a travelling madam,
"I suffer from crabs
As do most us A-rabs,"
"It's alright," said the madam, "I've had 'em."


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My Very First Time



                        The sky was dark
                        The moon was high
                        All alone just she and I
                        Her hair was soft
                        Her eyes were blue
                        I knew just what
                        She wanted to do
                        Her skin so soft
                        Her legs so fine
                        I ran my fingers
                        Down her spine
                        I didn't know how
                        But I tried my best
                        I started by placing
                        My hands on her breast
                        I remember my fear
                        My fast beating heart
                        But slowly she spread
                        Her legs apart
                        And when I did it
                        I felt no shame
                        All at once
                        The white stuff came
                        At last it's finished
                        It's all over now
                        My first time ever
                        At milking a cow.....



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There was an old maid of Nantucket
Had an asshole as big as a bucket.
While bent over the oven
A-dreamin' of lovin',
Her goat siezed the moment to fuck it. 

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If Dr. Seuss Wrote for Star Trek: The Next Generation



     Picard:    Sigma Indri, that's the star,
                So Data, please, how far?  How far?

     Data:      Our ship can get there very fast
                But still the trip will last and last
                We'll have two days til we arrive
                But can the Indrans there survive?

     Picard:    LaForge, please give us factor nine.

     LaForge:   But sir, the engines are offline!

     Picard:    Offline:  But why?  I want to go!
                Please make it so, please make it so!

     Riker:     But sir, if Geordi says we can't,
                We can't, we mustn't, and we shan't,
                The danger here is far too great!

     Picard:    But surely we must not be late!

     Troi:      I'm sensing anger and great ire.

     Computer:  Alert!  Alert!  The ship's on fire!

     Picard:    The ship's on fire?  How could this be?
                Who lit the fire?

     Riker:     Not me.

     Worf:      Not me.

     Picard:    Computer, how long til we die?

     Computer:  Eight minutes left to say goodbye.

     Data:      May I suggest a course to take?
                We could, I think, quite safely make
                Extinguishers from tractor beams
                And stop the fire, or so it seems...

     Geordi:    Hurray!  Hurray!  You've saved the day!
                Again I say, Hurray!  Hurray!

     Picard:    Mr. Data, thank you much.
                You've saved our lives, our ship, and such.

     Troi:      We still must save the Indran planet --

     Data:      Which (by the way) is made of granite...

     Picard:    Enough, you android.  Please desist.
                We understand -- we get your gist.
                But can we get our ship to go?
                Please, make it so, PLEASE make it so.

     Geordi:    There's sabotage among the wires
                And that's what started all the fires.

     Troi:      We have a saboteur?  Oh, no!
                We need to go!  We need to go!

     Riker:     We must seek out the traitor spy
                And lock him up and ask him, "Why?"

     Worf:      Ask him why?  How sentimental.
                I say give him problems dental.

     Troi:      Are any Romulan ships around?
                Have scanners said that they've been found?
                Or is it Borg or some new threat
                We haven't even heard of yet?
                I sense no malice in this crew.
                Now what are we supposed to do?

     Crusher:   Captain, please, the Indrans need us.
                They cry out, "Help us, clothe us, feed us!"
                I can't just sit and let them die!
                A doctor MUST attempt -- MUST try!

     Picard:    Doctor, please, we'll get there soon.

     Crusher:   They may be dead by Tuesday noon.

     *COMMERCIAL BREAK, COMMERCIAL BREAK
     HOW LONG WILL THESE DUMB ADS TAKE?*

     Worf:      The saboteur is in the brig.
                He's very strong and very big.
                I had my fazer set on stun.
                A zzzip!  A zzzap!  Another one!
                He would not budge, he would not fall,
                He would not stun, no, not at all!
                He changed into a stranger form
                All soft and purple, round and warm.

     Picard:    Did you see this, Mr. Worf?
                Did you see this creature morph?

     Worf:      I did and then I beat him fairly.
                Hit him on the jaw -- quite squarely.

     Riker:     My commendations, Klingon friend!
                 Our troubles now are at an end!

     Crusher:   Now let's get our ship to fly
                And orbit yonder Indran sky!

     Picard:    LaForge, please tell me we can go...?

     Geordi:    Yes, sir, we can.

     Picard:    Then make it so!

                       ***** THE END *****



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