This woman is driving into a small town and slams on the brakes as a
coyote runs across the road in front of her. Just as she regains her
wits and gets ready to proceed, a cowboy runs right in front of her
and catches the coyote by the hind legs and starts screwing it. "Oh my
God!" she exclaims and drives into town to find the local law.
She sees the local sheriff's car parked in front of the town bar. "It
figures," she says as she storms inside. The first thing she notices
is an old, old man with a long white beard sitting in the corner
jacking-off. She runs up to the sheriff who's sitting at the bar with
"What kind of sick town are you running here?! I drive into town and
almost run over some cowboy sodomizing an animal....and then...I come
in here....and see this old man in the corner jacking-off right in
"Well, ma'am," the sheriff slowly replies, "you don't expect him to
catch a coyote at his age, do ya?"
The little darlings were all in their seats on the first day of school and
their new teacher introduced herself. She wrote on the board that her name
is Ms. Prussy and the day passed without any further incidents.
The next morning after greeting the class she asked if anyone remembered
her name and little johnny waved frantically. The teacher taken by his
enthusiasm called on him. In a timid voice he said "Miss Crunt?"
by Dennis DiPasquale
The other day I went to the local religious book store,
where I saw a HONK IF YOU LOVE JESUS bumper sticker. I bought it
and put it on the back bumper of my car, and I'm really glad I
did. What an uplifting experience followed. I was stopped at the
light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the
Lord, and didn't notice that the light had changed. That bumper
sticker really worked! I found lots of people who love Jesus.
Why, the guy behind me started to honk like crazy. He must REALLY
love the lord because pretty soon, he leaned out his window and
yelled, "Jesus Christ!!" as loud as he could. It was like a
football game with him shouting, "GO JESUS CHRIST,GO!!!"
Everyone else started honking, too, so I leaned out my window and
waved and smiled to all of those loving people. There must have
been a guy from Florida back there because I could hear him
yelling something about a sunny beach, and saw him waving in a
funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air.
I asked my two kids what that meant. They kind of squirmed,
looked at each other, giggled and told me that it was the
Hawaiian good luck sign. So, I leaned out the window and gave him
the good luck sign back. Several cars behind, a very nice black
man stepped out of his car and yelled something. I couldn't hear
him very well, but it sounded like, "Mother trucker," or
"Mother's from there." Maybe he was from Florida, too. He must
really love the lord. A couple of the people were so caught up in
the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and were
walking toward me. I bet they wanted to pray, but just then I
noticed that the light had changed, and stepped on the gas. And a
good thing I did, because I was the only driver to get across the
intersection. I looked back at them standing there. I leaned way
out the window, gave them a big smile and held up the Hawaiian
good luck sign, as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such
Why do doctors slap babies when they are born?
To knock the penises off the smart ones.
A fellow is walking into a hospital and sees two doctors down on their
hands and knees in one of the flower beds. He goes over and says,
"Can I help? Have you lost something?"
"No," says one of the doctors. "We're about to do a heart transplant on
an accountant and we're looking for a suitable stone."
By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.
Today's StoriesToday's PoemsToday's Quotes