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Today's jokes [6.11.04]

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A young couple on the brink of divorce visit a marriage 
counselor. The counselor asks the wife about the problem. She 
responds, "My husband suffers from premature ejaculation."

The counselor turns to her husband and inquires "Is that true?" 
The husband replies "Well not exactly, she's the one that 
suffers, not me."

1.   Vote:    Categories: Marriage and Relationships, Sex Send this joke to a friend




Here's one that my roommate and myself did to a residence buddy. One
morning (early) we taped together a bunch of sheets of newspaper to cover
the victims doorframe. Then taped this big sheet over the doorframe which
left a gap of about two or three inches between the sheet and the door.
Then we filled the gap with paper balls right to the top of the doorway.
When he opened the door he was showered with a barrage of paper balls (makes
a nice mess too!) Of course, the door has to swing in for this to work!

My roommate was (and is) rather inventive and can be quite nasty. He buttered
all of the toilet seats in our wing of the residence (fortunately told me
first). He also buttered doorknobs at one point. We wrapped celophane over
the toilet bowl then replaced the seat: this one can be really messy!

Try this: hang a shower curtain out a window. When the person below reaches
out and pulls it in, pour a bucket of water onto the shower curtain. Listen
to hear the results. Requires a nosy neighbor below you.

Six friends of mine and myself tried a less complicated version of the classic
dismantling of a car and putting it back together somewhere strange. We lifted
a friends car that was parked between two other cars and turned it so that the
front and back end were facing the neighboring cars. This posed quite a problem
for our friend when he decided to go home. Requires either a small car or a lot
of very strong people! :-) I take no responsibility for any back injuries that
result from this. Of course I take no responsibility for any of my actions. :-)

There are, of course, some fairly standard pranks that are pulled in residence.
Typically, people are shafted on their birthday which is therefore a hazardous
date to reveal. Total demolition of a room is quite common, but lacks any real
humor. A common shaft is to remove everything from the victims room and set it
up somewhere else exactly as it was. The best examples I saw of this were: a
room moved to the roof of a science building, a room moved to the front
courtyard of the residence (really funny when it started to snow!) and a room
moved to the dining hall.

When I was younger, I had a practical joke genius for a working companion. We
both worked in the same computer store for a while. He left and became manager
of another store. I remember receiving an envelope with his firms return address
on it. Inside was a very silly brochure. I said aloud "There has to be something
else in this envelope". So I looked and of course there was a sheet of paper.
It read "No there is nothing else in this envelope!" I could never get him back
for anything that he pulled but he was an inspiration. The last practical joke
that I will relate was one that he taught me and it requires a bit of time to
prepare. First you need: iodine cristals and some amonium hydroxide. Mix the
two together and a brown sludge will form. Drain off the excess liquid and let
the sludge dry. The result? Snap powder, a pressure sensitive explosive. Just
sprinkle this on the floor and watch people's reactions. Its quite amusing.
  


2.   Vote:    Category: Practical Jokes Send this joke to a friend




Q: What similarities are there in a condom and a casket?
A: You come in one and leave in the other, and they both hold stiffs.


3.   Vote:    Category: Miscellaneous Send this joke to a friend




How does Herpes leave the hospital?

On crotches.

4.   Vote:    Categories: Sex, Medicine Send this joke to a friend




A woman walks into her accountant's office and tells him that she needs to 
file her taxes. The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask a 
few questions." He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. 
and then asks, "What is your occupation?"
The woman replies, "I'm a whore."
The accountant balks and says, "No, no, no. That will never work. That is 
much too crass. Let's try to rephrase that."
The woman, "Ok, I'm a prostitute."
"No, that is still too crude. Try again."
They both think for a minute, then the woman states, "I'm a chicken 
farmer."
The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a 
whore or a prostitute?"
"Well, I raised over 5,000 cocks last year."

5.   Vote:    Category: Sex Send this joke to a friend



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