There's a student in medical school who wants to specialize in sexual
disorders, so he makes arrangements to visit the sexual disorder
clinic. The chief doctor is showing him around, discussing cases and
the facility, when the student sees a patient masturbating right there
in the hallway.
"What condition does he have?" the student asks.
"He suffers from Seminal Buildup Disorder," the doctor replies. "If he
doesn't obtain sexual release forty to fifty times a day, he'll pass
into a coma."
The student takes some notes on that, and they continue down the hall.
As they turn the corner, he sees another patient with his pants around
his ankles, receiving oral sex from a beautiful nurse.
"What about him?" the student asks. "What's his story?"
"Oh, it's the same condition," the doctor replies. "He just has a
better health plan."
NOTIFICATION TO ALL STAFF REGARDING LANGUAGE
It has been brought to our attention that some individuals have been
using foul language during the execution of their duties. Due to
complaints from managers who are more easily offended, this type of
language will no longer be tolerated.
We do realise, however, the importance of staff being able to properly
express their feelings when communicating with other employees. With
this in mind, the Human Resources Department has compiled a list of
code phrases so proper exchange of ideas/information can continue in
an effective manner without risking offence to our more sensitive
Old Phrase New Phrase
1. No fucking way I'm fairly sure that this is not feasible
2. Your fucking joking Really
3. Tell someone who gives a fuck Have you run that by................
4. No cunt told me I was not involved in that project
5. I don't have the fucking time Perhaps I can work late
6. Who fucking cares Are you sure that is the problem
7. Eat shit and die You don't say
8. Eat shit and die motherfucker You don't say, Sir
9. Kiss my arse So you would like me to help you
10. He's a fucking prick He is somewhat insensitive
11. That's fucking bullshit I find that hard to believe
12. You haven't got a fucking clue You could benefit from more training
13. This place is fucked We are a little disorganised today
14. What sort of fucker are you You're new here aren't you?
15. Fuck off shit head Well there you go
16. You're a fucking wanker You're my manager and I respect you
17. Ha! Fuck you I wasn't there that day
18. This is bollocks We need to look into this some more
19. I aint got no cunt I am rather short of labour
20. Fuck off I'll look into that and get back to you
A little Italian grandfather comes up to Customs.
The Customs official says, "Have you got anything to declare?"
He thinks a second and he says, "It's a nice-a day!"
New scientific theories
2nd RunnerUp- The 'Why Yawning Is Contagious' Theory: You yawn
to equalize the pressure on your eardrums. This pressure change
outside your eardrums unbalances other people's ear pressures, so
they must yawn to even it all out.
A wife begins to get a little worried because her husband has not arrived
home on time from his regular Saturday afternoon golf game. As the hours
pass she becomes more and more concerned until at 8 p.m. the husband
finally pulls into the driveway. "What happened?" says the wife. "You
should have been home hours ago!" "Harry had a heart attack at the third
hole," replied the husband. "Oh, that's terrible," says the wife. "I
know," the husband answers. "All day long it was hit the ball, drag Harry,
hit the ball, drag Harry..."
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