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Today's jokes [3.31.04]

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"Doctor, I need your help," the woman says. 
"What seems to be the problem?" 
"My husband just doesn't satisfy me sexually. What can I do?" 
"Hmmm. That's a bit out of my league. Has HE seen a doctor?" 
"Yes, he has. He is perfectly OK. He just isn't enough for me. You've 
got to help me!" 
"Er ... Why don't you take a lover?" 
"I have! I still don't get enough." 
"Take another lover." 
"I did. In fact, I have eight lovers - and I still don't get enough sex!" 
"Gosh, that's an anomaly." 
"Oh, Doctor! Please tell them it's an anomaly! They all keep telling me 
I'm a whore!" 

1.   Vote:    Category: Sex Send this joke to a friend




This guy and a blonde are making out feverishly in the front seat of
his car. After an hour or so, he whispers in her ear, "Do you want
to move to the back seat?"

She replies, "NO!" Flabbergasted, he says, "Why Not?"

To which she replies, "Well, I want to stay up here with you. It'd
be lonely back there!"

2.   Vote:    Category: Blondes Send this joke to a friend




    A man died and went to Heaven. After reaching the gates to
   Heaven the man was talking with Saint Peter and he asked, "I know I
   was good during my life, and I really appreciate being brought to
   Heaven, but I'm really curious... What does Hell look like?"
   So Saint Peter thought about it a moment and finally said, "I'll tell
   you what, I'll let you see what Hell looks like before you are
   officially entered into Heaven. Come with me." And so Saint Peter lead
   the man to an elevator and said, "Take this elevator to the very
   bottom floor. When the door opens you will see what Hell looks like,
   but whatever you do, do not get out of the elevator."
   The man said "Thank you" and then climbed into the elevator and hit
   the button for the lowest floor. After nearly an hour waiting in the
   elevator the doors opened and the man peered out. Before him was a
   lifeless frozen wasteland. All the man could see were huge mountains
   of ice through blankets of snow. Remembering what Saint Peter said,
   the man quickly pushed the button for the top floor, the doors closed
   and he traveled back up to Heaven.
   After returning to Heaven the man approached Saint Peter and said,
   "I'm ready to enter into Heaven now, but before I do I have just one
   more question." "Go ahead", replied Saint Peter, and so the man asked,
   "I thought Hell would be fire and brimstone, but instead all I saw was
   snow and ice. Is that what it's really like?"
   Saint Peter thought about this for a second and finally answered,
   "Snow and ice, huh. I guess the Denver Broncos finally won the Super
   Bowl !!"


3.   Vote:    Category: Sports Send this joke to a friend




What's the difference between an Italian mother and a Jewish mother?

An Italian mother says, "If you don't eat it, I'll kill you."
A Jewish mother says, "If you don't eat it, I'll kill myself."

4.   Vote:    Category: Ethnic Send this joke to a friend




How is a man like a snow fall?

    -You never know how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

5.   Vote:    Category: Men Send this joke to a friend



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