Today's Jokes  |  Archives  |  Lists  |  Random  |  Register  |  RandJoke on Your Page  
 
 


Pokern
 
 
Today's jokes [3.30.04]

Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes. Also, links to joke categories and "Send to Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.


Age       Sport
        17         sex
        25         sex
        35         sex
        48         sex
        66         napping

1.   Vote:    Category: Men Send this joke to a friend




                       The Technologically Challenged
     
   
Just in case you think YOU are TC (technologically challenged), there's
still hope:

1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press
   Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key
   is.
2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse
   was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to
   be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.
3. Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining
   that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old
   (5-1/4") diskettes.  After troubleshooting for magnets and heat
   failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer
   had labeled the diskettes, then rolled them into the typewriter
   to type the labels.
4. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective
   diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along
   with photocopies of the floppies.
5. A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy
   back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to
   hold on, and was heard putting the phone down, getting up and going
   across the room to close the door.
6. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer
   to fax anything. After 40 minutes of troubleshooting, the technician
   discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it
   in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "send" key.
7. Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no
   longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and
   water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys
   and washing them individually.
8. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged
   because his computer had told him he was "bad and an invalid".  The
   tech explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid"
   responses shouldn't be taken personally.
9. A confused caller to IBM was having troubles printing documents.
   He told the technician that the computer had said it "couldn't find
   printer."  The user had even tried turning the computer screen to
   face the printer - but his computer still couldn't "see" the printer.
10.An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get
   her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was
   plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed
   the power button.  Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot
   pedal and nothing happened." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the
   mouse!
11.Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her
   brand-new computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit,
   plugged it in and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to
   happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch,
   she asked "What power switch?"
12.True story from a Novell NetWire  SysOp:
   Caller: "Hello, is this  Tech Support?"
   Tech:   "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"
   Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my
            warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"
   Tech:   "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"
   Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."
   Tech:   "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am.
            Did you receive this as part of a promotion, at a trade show?
            How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark
            on it?"
   Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a
            promotion.  It just has '4X' on it."
   At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he
   couldn't stand it. He was laughing too hard. The caller had been
   using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and
   snapped it off the drive.
13.Another IBM customer had troubles installing software and rang
   for support. "I put in the first disk, and that was OK. It said to
   put in the second disk, and I had some problems with the disk, but I
   squeezed it in.  When it said to put in the third disk - I couldn't
   even fit it in..." The user hadn't realized that "Insert Disk 2"
   meant to remove Disk 1 first.
  


2.   Vote:    Category: Computer Related Send this joke to a friend




Don't you just hate it when you go to the doctor, and you're
sitting on the examination table telling him about your
symptoms, and with each new one you describe, he backs a
little further away?

3.   Vote:    Category: Medicine Send this joke to a friend




There were three little boys visiting their grandparents. 

The oldest came out and asked his grandpa, "Can you make a sound 
like a frog, Grandpappy? 
Grandpa (being in a kind of ill mood) responds, "No, I don't really 
want to make the sound of a frog now."

So, the second little boy comes out and asks his grandfather, "Will
you please make a sound like a frog?" 
Grandpa again says, "No, not now.  I don't really want to do that.  
I'm in a grumpy mood.  Maybe later."

Then the third little boy comes out and says, "Grandpa, oh please... 
Please, please will you make a sound like a frog?"

"Why do all of you boys want me to make a sound like a frog?" Grandpa 
asked. 

The little boy replied with a hopeful face, "Well, Mom said that when
you croak we get to go to Disney World!"

4.   Vote:    Categories: Elderly, Children Send this joke to a friend




   The newly divorced woman had never had to be the handyman around the
   house before, and quickly discovered she was lacking most of the
   proper tools to do the odd jobs needed. She made a trip to the local
   hardware store and quickly learned that it was truly a "man's world"
   there.
   
   Thinking that she might be taken advantage of if she let on that she
   was indeed a novice, she made a determined effort to look and sound as
   if she knew what she was doing. Completing her first group of
   purchases she took them to the clerk at the counter and looking behind
   him she discovered she hadn't bought any files. She pointed to one and
   said "May I have one of those ?"
   
   The clerk, unsure of what she was indicating said, "What... one of
   those bastards ?"
   
   Without a pause, she said, "Yeah ! And ya better give me a few of
   those Son-of-a-Bitches next to 'em too."


5.   Vote:    Categories: Women, Situations Send this joke to a friend



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD




 

By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.

But wait! Don't forget to read

Today's Stories
Today's Poems
Today's Quotes

 
Jump to