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Today's jokes [3.27.04]

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The State of Florida had a problem. The drug bust over the years had filled
their storage areas with Marijuana. It was decided  the only option was to
burn all of the Marijuana on hand. The eventful day a huge mound of Marijuana 
was torched. The fire raged and the smoke of the weed raised in a large cloud. 
At this time a flock of Tern's flew through this cloud.
A group of forest rangers (aka Their environmental watch dogs) were sent out
to assure the well-being of the Terns . They followed this flock until they
finally landed. The rangers sneaking upon the terns were able to observe and
issue a report that read:  Not a Tern was left unstoned.



1.   Vote:    Category: Father Goose Stories Send this joke to a friend




On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went
straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year old grandmother
and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her 
grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on 
Sunday morning."

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old
having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

"Oh no, my dear, " replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced
age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would
start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. 
Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She 
paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, "and if that damned ice 
cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today!"

2.   Vote:    Categories: Sex, Elderly Send this joke to a friend




Tom : I found twenty cents on the sidewalk.
Jim : That's mine. I dropped a twenty-cent coin there this morning.
Tom : But, what I found was two ten-cent coins!
Jim : That's it. I heard it break when it hit the ground.

3.   Vote:    Category: Miscellaneous Send this joke to a friend




A young teacher was trying to teach her six-year-old charges about 
sharing. In the midst of doing so, she said that no one had everything 
they wanted. At this point, a young arm was energetically pumping at the 
back of the class. 

She tried to ignore him, but little Johnny started saying, "oh miss, oh 
miss!" with his arm pumping.

"Yes, Johnny, what is it?" she asked, trying to remain calm. Little Johnny 
stood up and proclaimed to the class, "at our house, we have everything."

"Don't be silly," the teacher replied, "not even the richest man has 
everything."

"We do," he answered, "My daddy said so the other day."

"Now, why would your father say such a thing?" she asked.

"Well, my fifteen year old sister came home with her skinhead boyfriend, 
and told poppa she was pregnant. That's when my dad said "God, that's all 
we needed."

4.   Vote:    Category: Children Send this joke to a friend




A little boy was excited about his first day at school.
So excited in fact, that only a few minutes after class
started, he realized that he desperately needed to go to
the bathroom. So he raised his hand politely to ask if
he could be excused. Of course the teacher said yes, but
asked him to be quick.

Five minutes later he returned, looking more desperate 
and embarrassed. "I can't find it", he admitted.

The teacher sat him down and drew him a little diagram 
to where he should go and asked him if he will be able
to find it now. The boy looked at the diagram, said "yes"
and goes on his way. 

Five minutes later he returned to the class room and says
to the teacher "I can't find it".

Frustrated, the teacher asked Jon, a boy who has been at
the school for awhile, to help him find the bathroom.

So two fellas go together and five minutes later they 
both return and sit down at their seats. The teacher asks 
Jon, "Well, did you find it?"

Jon is quick with his reply: "Oh sure, he just had his
boxer shorts on backwards"

5.   Vote:    Category: Children Send this joke to a friend



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