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Today's jokes [3.24.04]

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A young blonde girl goes to the doctor for a physical. The doctor
 puts his stethoscope up to the girl's chest and says, 'Big breaths...'
 The girl replies, 'Yeth and I'm not even thixteen.'


1.   Vote:    Category: Blondes Send this joke to a friend




   A guy works a new job on Thursday and Friday. On Monday he calls in
   and says, "I can't come in today. I'm sick."
   
   He works the rest of the week, but the following Monday he calls in
   and says, "I can't come in today. I'm sick."
   
   The boss asks the foreman about him, and the foreman says, "He's
   great. He does the work of two men. We need him."
   
   So the boss calls the guy into his office, and says, "You seem to have
   a problem getting to work on Mondays. You're a good worker and I'd
   hate to fire you. What's the problem? Anything we can help you with?
   Drugs? Alcohol?"
   
   The guy says, "No, I don't drink or do drugs. But my brother-in-law
   drinks every weekend, and then beats on my sister. So every Monday
   morning, I go over to make sure she's all right. She puts her head on
   my shoulder and cries, one thing leads to another, and the next thing
   you know, I'm fucking her."
   
   The boss says, "You fuck your sister?"
   
   The guy says, "Hey, I told you I was sick."
   


2.   Vote:    Category: Miscellaneous Send this joke to a friend




Jerry Falwell was seated next to President Clinton on a recent flight.
After the plane was airborne, the flight attendant came around for drink
orders.


The President asked for a whisky & soda, which was brought and placed
before him.  The attendant then asked the minister if he would also like
drink.
The minister replied in disgust, "Ma'am, I'd rather be savagely raped by
a brazen whore than let liquor touch these lips!"


The President then handed his drink back to the attendant and said,
"I'm sorry, I didn't know there was a choice..."



3.   Vote:    Categories: Sex, Politics Send this joke to a friend




A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. 
The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on 
the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window. For a second 
everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don't 
ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"

The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap 
would scare you so much." The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your 
fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a funeral 
van for the last 25 years.

4.   Vote:    Category: Roads and Driving Send this joke to a friend




A regular Friday night poker game was still going strong
well after midnight when one of the players returned from
the bathroom with an urgent report. 
"Roger, listen," he told the host, "Walter's in the kitchen
making love to your wife." 
"OK, that's it, guys," Roger said. "This is positively
the last deal." 


5.   Vote:    Category: Marriage and Relationships Send this joke to a friend



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