Once upon a time, a woman complained to her doctor that she and her
husband never had sex anymore. So the doctor gave her a bottle of
pills and told her to put them in his drink and she would be
The woman, somewhat disbelievingly, put one pill in his coffee that
evening. That night they made out.
The next morning, she put two in his coffee, and that night they
really got it on.
The next day, she said, "What the hell," and put the entire bottle in.
A few days later, the doctor called to check on her progress. The
woman's son answered the phone. When the doctor asked how she was
doing, the son replied, "Mom's dead; Sis is pregnant; my asshole
hurts, and Dad is out naked on the front lawn yelling 'Here kitty,
A guy goes into a costume shop. He says, "I'm going to a
costume party, I want to go as Adam." The girl brings out
a fig leaf. He says, "Not big enough."
She brings out a bigger one. He says, "Still not big enough."
She brings out a huge fig leaf. He says, "Still not big enough."
She says, "Listen, Ace, why don't you just throw it over your
shoulder and go as a gasoline pump?"
A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman "Give me six
The barman says "Wow! you must have had one really bad day."
"Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."
The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same
When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came
"I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"
On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six
The bartender said "WOW! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"
"Yeah, my wife..."
A visiting conventioneer from Saskatchewan walked into a bar in Greenwich
Village and sat next to a rather attractive woman.
"Hi," he said, "I'm new in town. Can I buy you a drink?"
"Get lost," she remarked, "I am Lesbian."
"Oh, really?" he asked, "How are things in Beiruit?"
If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not
strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear
and a superman cape.
It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a
20 by 20 foot room
When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh," it's already too
Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it
A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36
year old man says they can only do it in the movies
If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes it
does not leak - it explodes
A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq foot house 4
Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old
Super glue is forever
McGyver can teach us many things we don't want to know
No matter how much Jello you put in a swimming pool you still can't
walk on water
Pool filters do not like Jello
VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show
Always look in the oven before you turn it on
The fire department in San Jose has at least a 5 minute response time
The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy
It will however make cats dizzy
Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy
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