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The Three Laws of Thermodynamics 1.You can't win. 2.You can't break even. 3.You can't quit the game.
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1


Should you have any questions during the exam, just raise your hand. This should cause enough blood to flow to your brain to answer it yourself.
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2


One day, a Smartie and a Polo were having a drink in the pub. Suddenly the pub door swings open and in walks a Humbug. “Fuck me” shouts Polo, and immediately dives under the table. “What the fuck are you doing that for?” says Smartie. “That humbug always gives me a right good kicking whenever I see him, so I’m hiding from him” says Polo. “You should stand up to him” says Smartie. “He’ll respect you more if you do” Sure enough, the humbug walks over and gives the Polo a right slap. “Fuck off you stripy wanker, or I’ll knock the fucking shit out of you” says Polo. “Hey, no problem man, can I buy you a drink” says Humbug. “Told you so” says Smartie. The next night Polo and Smartie are sitting in the pub again, when in walks Humbug with his mate, Tune. “Fuck me” shouts Polo again diving under the table. “What the fuck are you doing that for again” says Smartie. “I know you said stand up to bullies, but thats Tune” says Polo. “So what?” says Smartie. “He’s fucking menthol” says Polo. sent by Steve Butler
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3


The scene was Mount Olympus, where Bacchus, the Greek god of wine, had thrown a party for a pair of visiting Roman deities -- Ceres, the goddess of agriculture, and Janus, the two- faced god of doors and beginnings. Everyone overdid it, more or less. Ceres at one point was staggering and turning in circles; Janus, equally submerged, was trying to dance with her. Bacchus feared that the pair might fall over, so he went to steady them. .... This marked the first time that a whirled Ceres was held with a double-header.
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4


A wife was berating her husband. He motioned for her to quiet down saying, "Don't unleash the beast in me." The wife snickered and replied, "Unlike a lot of women, 'dear', I'm not the least bit afraid of a mouse."
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5
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