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Today's jokes[6.14.02]

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The Hazards of Kicking the Cat There was a little boy with a bad attitude. He was at home one day doing his chores. He was feeding the chickens and he got mad and kicked one across the yard. He was feeding the hogs and got mad and kicked the hell out of one of them also. He was milking the cow and it kept hitting him in the face with its tail so he kicked it, too. His mom had been watching him and told him he couldn't have any chicken, beef, or pork for a month because he was a mean little bastard. She told him to wait 'til his dad got home. His dad came home and tripped over the pussy cat and he got mad and kicked that cat across the room. The little boy looked at his mom and said, "Are you going to tell him or am I?"
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A rather senile old lady went to her doctor complaining of draining and a feeling of fullness in her ear. After the examination, the doctor initiated a conversation that went as follows: D: Why madam, I think you have a suppository in your ear. L: ?eh? D: Madam - You have a SUPPOSITORY in your EAR! L: ??EH?? D: (shouting) --IN YOUR EAR! -- A SUPPOSITORY!!! L: Oh, thank Goodness - now I know where I put my hearing aid....
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Why do they bury lawers 26 feet underground? Because deep down, they are really nice guys.
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A Canadian, a Scotsman, and an Australian are in a bar discussing the mental abilities of their wives. The Canadian says, "You know my wife must be the most stupid woman in the world. She went to a supermarket sale and bought $900 worth of meat, and we don't even have a freezer! The Scotsman says, "That's nothing! My wife went out last week and bought a brand new $30,000 car, and she can't even drive! Not to be out done, the Aussie says, "My wife is a lot dumber than that! Last week she left for a two week holiday in Paris and I saw her pack 20 condoms! Hell, she doesn't even have a penis!"
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Question: What is 1 + 2 ? Politician: Well, if you look at the seasonally adjusted figures, you'll find that it's reasonably in line with government predictions. Physicist: I won't tell you until you tell me what you want to use it for. Lawyer: It makes one and a half each.
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