Archives  |  Lists  |  Random  |  Register  |  Tell Joke  |  Links  |  About



Pokern



Today's poems[9.19.01]

Vote for the poem that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes.


Comming home at a quarter of three
I caught my wife cheating on me
I raged, "Who's this fink?"
She cried with a wink
"I don't know, It's a new one on me."



Send this poem to a friend
1
The Killer's Apology Here I sit, upon death row Electrodes fastened to my toes. And though I know that I must die I think I should apologize To those I know that I have wronged, Beaten, strangled, stuck with prongs It was not what I really meant All those deaths were accidents. I did not mean to murder Sam Though I beat him with a ham. He said the meat was much too dry So I used his head to tenderize. And I did not mean to dispatch Sue by filling both her lungs with glue. I should have known there were better Ways for us to stick together. I have to say I quite regret Defenestrating my pal Chet. But really, how was I to know That window wouldn't just stay closed? Becky's death -- a random fluke; My prints were planted on that flute. And though they searched high and low They never found that piccolo. I spare a moment for good ol' Jake Who I deposited in the lake. I always thought that he could swim; I guess the restraints are what did him in. And oh, how I do miss Peter Though I stuffed him in a water heater. He might not have made it in this verse If I hadn'ta stuck him in head first. Bonnie, my bonnie, my, what a lass! Taken down by methane gas. If I only knew then what I know now: Don't ever mess with a farting cow. And I'll admit, the point is moot Albert I did electrocute. Children, never take this risk: Water and toasters just don't mix. Wendy was an awful neighbor But I'm sorry about the elevator. I did not know she was in the thing When I snipped the cable like a string. I'd like to remember my good friend Drew Who I served up in a barbecue. It was his idea, really, because you see He always liked to say "Eat Me." I think I was misunderstood When I tied up Katie in those woods She always said she liked the bears So I put honey in her hair. Alan claimed he was a jock So I crushed him with a rock. His boast that he was made of steel Was something rather less than real. No one was more surprised than Joan That ferrets stripped her to the bone. Reflecting, I see I was foolhardy To place bacon up and down her body. Mike had on an amazing grin When I set him in liquid nitrogen. I did not do so for the hell of it; I wanted to put him in his element. Bob declared I was a buffoon; I set him aloft in a weather balloon. But there is not one who felt more grief When that balloon popped at 45,000 feet. Jeremy was timid, Jeremy was shy I placed him in an oven and set it on fry. I should have known better, that this was not The way to help women to think he was hot. So you see every death was quite accidental I would not blame you if you thought I was mental. But I would say that it is rather as such: My problem was just that I cared too darn much. Now here I go, to meet my God And all of my friends that I put in the sod. I have just one wish, if you lean close to hear: It's to help them up there as I helped them down here. -- John Scalzi copyright(c) John Scalzi John Scalzi is a columnist and humorist living in Virginia. For more columns and essays, visit his website: www.scalzi.com
Send this poem to a friend
2
A gallant young Frenchman named Grandhomme Was attempting a girl on a tandem. At the height of the make She slammed on the brake, And scattered his semen at random
Send this poem to a friend
3
There was a young lady from Brussels Who was proud of her vaginal muscles. She could easily plex them And so interflex them As to whistle love songs through her bustles.
Send this poem to a friend
4
A nymphomaniacal nurse With a curse that was worse than perverse Stuck a rotary drill Up her twat, for a thrill--- And they carted her off in a hearse.
Send this poem to a friend
5

Today's Jokes
Today's Stories
Today's Quotes

Jump to  




Jokes2Go.com One Click Menu:

Goodies
  Random joke on your page
  Bookmark Jokes2Go.com
  Jokes2Go Advanced features
  Tell us a joke
  Funny Pics

Archives
  More than 30 categories of jokes
  Real funny stories
  Poems, parodies and Limericks
  More than 2000 quotes
  Funny ASCII Art
  Previous months issues

Hourly Humor
  Random Jokes
  Random Quotes
  Random Poems

Lists
  Hundreds of lists in alphabetical order
  Select lists by category

Random
  Random jokes, by category or general
  Random stories, by category or any
  Random poems, by category or any
  Random quotes

Site Info
  About Jokes2Go.com
  Privacy Policy
  Change registration info/Unsubscribe
  Password retrieval
  Other great humor sites
  Contact us