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Today's stories[3.29.01]

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A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he was coming
down the aisle he would take two steps, stop and turn to the
crowd (alternating between bride's side and groom's side).
While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws
and roar. So it went, step, step, "ROAR," step, step, "ROAR,"
all the way down the aisle. As you can imagine, the crowd was
near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the
pulpit.
The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed
from all the laughing, and was also near tears by the time he
reached the pulpit. When asked what he was doing, the child
sniffed and said, "I was being the Ring Bear."



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Super Granny - Defender Of Justice An elderly lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, she found four males in the act of leaving with her car! She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun,preceded to scream at them at the top of her voice, "I have a gun and I know how to use it! Get out of the car, you scumbags!" The four men didn't wait for a second invitation but got out and ran like mad, where upon the lady, somewhat shaken, proceeded to load her shopping bags in the back of the car and went back and got into the driver's seat. She was so shaken up that she couldn't get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried and then it dawned on her why! A few minutes later she found her own car parked four or five spaces further down. She loaded her bags into her car and drove to the police station. The sergeant to whom she told the story nearly tore himself in two with laughter and pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale white males were reporting a car jacking by a mad elderly woman described as white, less than 5 feet tall, glasses, and curly white hair carrying a large handgun. No charges were filed.
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I was at a party this weekend and a jokester, stifling a laugh said, "Listen to this: One day, Moskowitz and Finkelstein were going to-" At this, my Jewish friend, Al Cohen said, "Moskowitz and Finkelstein; Moskowitz and Finkelstein; always two Jews. Why do they have to be Jewish? Can't you tell the joke with other nationalities involved? Why don't you make them Chinese for a change?" The jokester, sobered and embarrassed, said, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend. Here's the joke: One day, Hong-lee Yang and Mao-chen Foo were going to the synagogue to attend the bar mitzvah of Hong-lee Yang's nephew..."
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