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Today's jokes[3.3.01]

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My mother-in-law was bitten by a dog yesterday.

       How is she now ?
       She's fine. But, the dog died. 

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The church was conducting its annual fund drive. One member of the congregation said, "I give ten dollars." Just then, a piece of plaster fell from the ceiling and landed on his head. He spoke up again quickly. "I give a thousand dollars!" The minister said, "Lord, hit him again!"
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Patient: Doctor, I have a serious memory problem. I can't remember anything! Doctor: So, since when did you have this problem? Patient: What problem?
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Psychiatrist: What is wrong with your brother? Sister: He thinks he's a chicken. Psychiatrist: How long has be been acting like a chicken? Sister: Three years. We would have come in sooner, but we needed the eggs.
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A woman gives birth by a Caesarian and passes out. When she comes to her senses, the doctor approaches her bed and says: "I'm sorry to tell you, Mrs. Smith, that your baby has some serious problems." "What problems, doctor? I mean, when it arrives, I'll love it. It's my child and I'll love it regardless." "Well, yes, of course,... but your child has no legs." "Oh dear. Well, it's my child, and I'll love it regardless." "And it hasn't got any arms either." "What?" "Exactly what I said. Your child doesn't have a body, or a face. In fact, your child is only a very, very big ear." The woman is in anguish, but she still tells the doctor to bring her her son. "Sonny, dear, it's me your mother! Do you hear me!?" "There is no need to scream," says the doctor "it's deaf."
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