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Today's jokes[3.26.01]

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Two really old guys decided they would go out and try to play a round of 
golf together. They get on the first tee and the first old guy says to the 
second, "My eyesight isn't what it used to be. Can you watch my ball for 
me?".
The second guy says, "Sure! I see fine. Go ahead and hit."
So the first old man steps up to the tee and really hits it. He turns to 
his buddy and says, "Did you see it?".
"Sure!", says his buddy.
"Where did it go?", the first guy asks. 
The second old man thinks for a minute and says, "I can't remember." 



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1
A man goes to visit his 85-year-old grandpa in the hospital. "How are you grandpa?" he asks. "Feeling fine," says the old man. "What's the food like?" "Terrific, wonderful menus." "And the nursing?" "Just couldn't be better. These young nurses really take care of you." "What about sleeping? Do you sleep okay?" "No problem at all --- nine hours solid every night. At 10 o'clock they bring me a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet, and that's it. I go out like a light." The grandson is puzzled and a little alarmed by this, so he rushes off to question the Nurse in charge. "What are you people doing?" he asks. "I'm told you're giving an 85-year-old Viagra on a daily basis. Surely that can't be true?" "Oh, yes," replies the nurse. "Every night at 10 o'clock we give him a cup of chocolate and a Viagra tablet. It works wonderfully well. The chocolate makes him sleep, and the Viagra stops him rolling out of bed."
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2
An elderly patient needed a heart transplant and discussed his options with his doctor. The doctor said, "We have 3 possible donors; the 1st is a young, healthy athlete who died in an automobile accident, the 2nd is a middle-aged businessman who never drank or smoked and who died flying his private jet. The 3rd is an attorney who died after practicing law for 30 years. Which do you want?" "I'll take the lawyer's heart", said the patient. After a successful transplant, the doctor asked the patient why he had chosen the donor he did. "It was easy", said the patient, "I wanted a heart that hadn't been used."
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3
This is so cool. Read this sentence: FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE- SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIF- IC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS. Now count ALOUD the F's in that sentence. Count them ONLY ONCE: do not go back and count them again. See below... ANSWER: There are six F's in the sentence. One of average intelligence finds three of them. If you spotted four, you're above average. If you got five, you can turn your nose at most anybody. If you caught six, you are a genius. There is no catch. Many people forget the "OF"'s. The human brain tends to see them as V's and not F's. Pretty weird, huh? It fools almost everybody. Robert
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4
Two young brothers, aged 5 and 6, are listening through the keyhole as their older sister is getting it on with her new boyfriend. They hear her say, "Oh, Jim, you're going where no man has gone before!" The six-year-old says to his brother, "He must be fucking her up the ass!"
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5

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